


Miscommunication

by hatehateslove



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7619935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatehateslove/pseuds/hatehateslove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes words were all you needed and sometimes words weren’t needed at all</p>
<p>Alternatively</p>
<p>The first time Andreil don't say "I love you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miscommunication

“Pick up the pace! Let’s go! We lost our first two games!  We are not,” Neil paused to breathe, “-about to lose another!” 

Neil’s throat was raw from all the yelling. It was Thursday, the team had been on the court 4 days in a row. They had a bye week, giving them another week to their next game. Neil had been running them ragged this week. They had lost the two games they’d played thus far, by embarrassing scores.

“Rachael, aim closer, hit harder!”

“Jack, use your fucking head!”

“Nicky! Where’s Andrew?”

“Jack, for fuck’s-”

Neil grit his teeth and breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth, keeping his temper in check. “Water break. 5 minutes. Get.”

Neil’s shoulder was throbbing, his feet were on fire, and his throat was parched. He walked over to the bench where he’d left his water bottle. Andrew hadn’t shown up to practice, for the first time in a long time. Neil sighed through his teeth. Andrew hadn’t come to bed the night before either.

Neil looked up as Kevin made his presence known, “Where’s Andrew?” he asked.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked Nicky.”

“Well, find him and get him to come to practice. We need it.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“Not by the way you’ve been practicing them.”

“Give me a break, if I thought we were ready, we wouldn’t be here.”

“Well, show it Josten. We’re no where near ready and if these guys don’t get in shape, we have zero chance of even coming close to-”

“I know.” Kevin lifted a brow, it had came out louder and harsher than Neil had intended, but he wasn’t going to take it back. “I know. I’m doing my best-”

“Well obviously your best isn’t enough!”

Neil’s right eyebrow twitched with the oncoming headache. “I don’t need to hear it from you, Kevin. Back off. I’m doing what I can-”

“Do better.” And with that Kevin put his helmet back on and ran back onto the field where the rest of the team was already waiting.

Neil bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, and counted to 5 before slamming his water bottle down. He took a few breaths, and proceeded to spend the next hour screaming himself hoarse.

\---

It had been bothering Neil for a while. He wasn’t sure how to put the feeling into words. He didn’t think there were words for the way he was feeling.

The bottom line - he was in love with Andrew Minyard.

But it was more than that. He had no idea how to tell Andrew without scaring him off, or at least, making a fool of himself. Because Neil didn’t know how Andrew felt about him. He didn’t know if this, he, was what Andrew needed. He was beginning to doubt himself. He was considering what Andrew had said about them - “Nothing” - being true to an extent. He had no indication from Andrew that his feelings had changed.

But, things had changed. Andrew was trusting him more and more, the nightmares were getting better, and Neil had a home with Andrew, unlike any he’d ever had. But - what if Andrew didn’t feel the same way? Neil saw the way Andrew looked at him sometimes, like he was seeing right through him, as if he really was nothing.

It had all come to a head the night before.

They had come back from practice, Andrew had been by the window, presumably doing homework. Neil was watching their last game, they had lost 7 to 1. He’d looked up from the screen to see Andrew staring at him, or - just past him. He wasn’t sure.

“Something the matter?”

Andrew lazily rolled his eyes at Neil’s question, returning his gaze to the papers he had been working on. Neil got up to get water and an Advil.

“Do you need anything?” No reply. “Andrew?” Nothing.

Neil sighed in frustration. “Andrew. Do you need anything.”

Still Andrew didn’t respond, he shifted in his seat, but made no other indication of hearing Neil.

Neil snapped, he walked over and pushed the papers away from Andrew, “Hey. I asked you something.”

“Congrats.” Came the dry reply.

Neil clenched his teeth as a wave of rage overcame him. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. He took a few slow breaths and took a couple steps back from Andrew.

“What am I doing wrong?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes at him.

“Why are you - “ Neil broke off, he didn’t know how to finish the question, didn’t know if he wanted to finish that question. “What -” He sighed, “Talk to me.”

Andrew turned his attention away from Neil before replying, “Go back to you game.”

Neil clenched his teeth again, making the headache worse. “I can’t -” Andrew didn’t react, “You’re - this - for fuck’s sake, I - I’ll never be like you.”

Neil winced, that wasn’t what he’d meant to say, well, it was, but not - he wasn’t sure! He didn’t know. All he knew was that he was in love with the man sitting in front of him and he didn’t know what to do about it. He had to - there wasn’t -

“Excuse me?”

Shit. “I -” Neil’s voice caught.

Andrew didn’t say anything more, but raised a brow at Neil, waiting for a response.

Neil took a breath, his mouth moving faster than his mind. “You don’t care! You are so damn apathetic about everything, and it wouldn’t bother me so much if it wasn’t me you keep looking at as if I am a - a nuisance!? Or worse, insignificant! What do you expect me to do!”

Andrew didn’t say anything, just stared at Neil, or behind Neil, again, he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Stop it!”

Still nothing.

“Stop looking at me like I don’t matter! Like I could die,” Neil’s voice caught again, “and you wouldn’t blink!”

Andrew’s eyes flashed, his jaw clenched. A muscle in his brow jumped. He swallowed and stood. He left without a word.

\---

“PUT SOME FUCKING EFFORT INTO IT, AARON.”

Neil could see Aaron’s eye roll from across the court. It was Friday, last practice for the week, and no one seemed to care.

Andrew had shown up, but his presence wasn’t being felt. He was in gear, standing at the goal, but letting every ball pass him. It was only serving to piss Neil off more than if he hadn’t shown up. Neil had a sneaking suspicion that was exactly what Andrew was trying to accomplish.

Finally Kevin snapped. “Andrew! Do your damn job. Defend the fucking goal.”

And Andrew did. Not a single ball after was let through, the backliners stepped up their games, everyone stood straighter as Andrew put his game face on. Side conversations ended, everyone put in their best effort. They were playing like the team Neil knew they could be, if they practiced. They played like they meant it, like they had a captain they could count on.

Neil felt sick.

_ Do your damn job _ .

\---

Nicky had been watching Neil over the course of the week, and he didn’t like what he saw. He was running himself ragged. He practiced more than the others, he was always doing homework or studying if not, and he put in more hours running or at the gym then the rest of the team. Nicky wasn’t sure how much sleep, if any, Neil was getting. And judging by the dark circles and copious amounts of caffeine he was consuming, Nicky was sure it wasn’t enough.

Nicky had also noticed the uneasy air around him and Andrew at practice that day, and with Andrew not having shown up to practice the day before, Nicky was sure something was wrong. And with Kevin’s attitude and constant screaming matches between Neil and him, Nicky was sure Neil could use a night out.

Kevin and Aaron were easy enough to convince, Andrew didn’t say no outright, because everyone knew he’d never pass up alcohol, and Nicky was going to drag Neil there one way or another.

They sometimes took two cars if someone had to be back earlier for some reason, or if they were going to be there longer than a night. But they weren’t going to be there longer than a night. Neither did anyone have to be back earlier than usual. But they took two cars. Kevin, Aaron, and Neil in Kevin’s and Nicky and Andrew in Andrew’s. This was probably what tipped Nicky off of the extent of Neil and Andrew’s fight.

\---

They made it to Sweetie’s ok. They ordered their ice cream and ate in mostly silence. Andrew got dust. Neil winced. Kevin and Aaron took some. Nicky passed.

They left for Eden’s and shit hit the fan as soon as Kevin took his first shot.

“You know,” He started amicably, “Dan was probably the best captain Wymack could’ve ever hoped for.” He continued taking shots the way only Kevin could. He didn’t pause as if he hadn’t knocked all the breath out of Neil’s lungs.

The others were busy getting in their own shots to care what Kevin had to say. Aaron was drinking almost as fast as Kevin, Andrew coming a close second. Nicky had taken a couple shots and was nursing a third. Neil was staring at his first.

Neither Aaron nor Nicky got up to dance. Kevin drank as much as he usually did. Hss speech wasn’t slurring moreso adopting an accent. Andrew had held back a bit, downed a few shots and was now nursing a coke. Neil had taken his first shot and left it at that.

“Fucking freshme’ can’t shoo’ t’ save their lives. Know wha’ I mean?” Kevin asked Andrew. Andrew pointedly ignored him, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but there. “Maybe ‘f they’d’ve had a better cap’n, y’know Neil?”

Neil closed his eyes and didn’t otherwise react.

“Wy - Wy- Coach shouldda asked Rach’l to be cap, at leas’ she knows what she’s doin’. Maybe actually get us to finals.”

Neil swallowed. Nicky got up to dance. Andrew took another shot. Aaron lazily looked between Neil and Andrew.

Kevin laughed. “Coach though’ Neil couldda done it, can you believe ‘Ron? Neil? There won’ be Foxe’ after Neil.” Kevin laughed harder.

Neil clenched his jaw, his nose burning. He knew - he knew he wasn’t good enough. He knew Wymack should’ve chosen someone more qualified for the position. He knew Dan was the best the Foxes had, would have, for as long as there were Foxes. He knew that if he fucked up, they weren’t going to make it to finals. He knew that a bad year could mean the Foxes became a Division II team. Hearing it from Kevin, as drunk as he may be, only confirmed what Neil already knew.

Andrew hadn’t said anything, hadn’t reacted, just sat with his arms on the table, watching the people around them. Aaron was watching his brother closely. Usually, Andrew would at least be paying attention to the conversation, sometimes interjecting with a glare or a raised brow. But he was actively ignoring everything Kevin was saying.

Nicky had wandered back to their table, not long after he’d left. It just didn’t feel like a normal night out. Neil was looking a little pale, Nicky didn’t know if he wanted any attention on himself so forwent saying anything. Whatever it was, Neil could handle it, he was sure.

“What? Did you two break-up or some shit?” Aaron asked with a sneer. He wasn’t going to give anyone any reason to doubt that he actually cared if his brother was ok.

Nicky’s eyes were widened in panic, he knew it was serious, but a break-up?

Andrew glanced lazily at his brother, “None of your business.”

Kevin looked between Andrew and Aaron. His gaze landed on Neil. He snorted, “Can’t do anythin’ right, can y’, eh, Neil?”

Neil had had enough. He took a breath and swiftly stood and made his way through the club to get outside. His feet hit the cement running.

Nicky had gotten up after him, but lost him in the crowd. He made his way to the door, but Neil was already too far away to hear Nicky’s shouts of his name over the sound of the blaring music.

\---

The harsh sound of Neil’s breath was the only noise in the silent night. His footfalls were quiet, the way his mother had made him learn to run - quiet, fast, efficient. He didn’t have any idea where he was or where he was going. He just knew he had to run. He wasn’t running away like he would have before. He just needed to get away for a bit. And running was his way of doing so.

Every doubt and insecurity he’d had in the past week since their last game played itself in his mind’s eye. Kevin’s words echoed in his ears. His vision flashed red. His fight with Andrew replaying itself it startling clarity. His eyes stung more than he’d care to admit. Aaron’s words stinging more than they should have. He ran harder, faster. And last, Nicky’s voice, yelling after him.The fight left him, he slowed to a stop, and looked around him.

Neil didn’t know the way back to PSU, but he was sure he’d never been to this part of Columbia. It was residential, away from the hustle and bustle of the main city where Eden’s was. He’d been running for - he reached into his pocket for his phone to check the time - it was dead. And he’d left his wallet at Eden’s. Shit.

He had a dead phone, no wallet, no money. He was stranded, and had no idea how to get back home or to PSU. He couldn’t call Matt, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to call Andrew or Kevin.  It was too late to knock on any door. He clenched his jaw at a flash of annoyance. He brought his hand up to run through his hair, making it stick up in disarray. Nothing was going right. He couldn’t catch a break, could he?

Neil takes a shuddering breath in and starts walking. A while away he reaches a park. The sky was beginning to lighten at this point, it had to be at least 4 in the morning. He finds a park bench and collapses, the dehydration catching up to him. He passes out to the sound of birds chirping. The last thought to cross his mind is of Andrew’s hurt expression as he left after their fight.

\---

The cousin’s and Kevin had made it to the house an hour after Neil had run off. Kevin was passed out on the couch. Aaron and Nicky had made it to their rooms. Andrew had been in his and Neil’s room, but had moved to the kitchen at 4, and then the porch at 5. Still no sign of Neil.

Andrew had Neil’s wallet in his pocket, having picked it up for him after Neil had left it. It was 6 now and Andrew had smoked his way through half a pack standing out on the porch. A while after, Andrew caves and calls Neil’s phone. It goes straight to voicemail, his phone’s either off or dead. Knowing Neil it was probably dead.

Andrew’s right eye twitches. He considers calling Bee, but it’s not a him problem, it’s a Neil problem, the only other person he knows would help is Wymack. And so he calls.

It’s 6am on a Saturday morning, but Wymack picks up. It’s Andrew’s ringtone.

“ ’ndrew?”

“He hasn’t come home.”

A pause as Wymack considers Andrew’s words, his tone. Andrew’s never been one to beat around the bush, so the “he” must be Neil and “home” must mean wherever Andrew is, and Neil’s not there. And the fact that Andrew is resorting to calling him at all, means he’s worried more than he’d ever admit. So that means Neil’s either lost, or has decided to run.

Now, he knows Neil, Wymack knows that at one point in time, he didn’t have reason to stay, but now, he has no reason to run. So he must be lost, with no way to get home. “I’ll, I’ll get Matt, we’ll be there in an hour.”

Wymack wakes Matt up and asks him to come along so they can cover more ground with three cars. Matt gets up without argument and doesn’t even think to question anyone about anything, finding Neil being priority.

\---

It’s an hour later that the three of them meet up by Eden’s and split up in different directions.

\---

It’s an hour after that that Andrew pulls up next to Neil. His shirt soaked through with sweat, dehydrated, and totally and utterly defeated.

\---

“Get in.”

Neil looks over, the sun in his eyes, blinding him. But it was Andrew, he’d recognize Andrew’s voice if he’d woken up from a coma with amnesia. He considers saying something, anything, but thinks against it. He takes a shaky breath, opens the passenger side, and practically collapses as he sits.

Andrew drives to the nearest gas station and got out. He takes his phone out as he grabs a couple bottles of water and a pack of trail mix.

”Andrew?” Wymack picks up at the first ring.

“Tell Matt to go home. We’ll be back in two.” Translation: Matt and you can go home. I found him. Neil and I’ll be back at PSU in two hours, give or take. We’ll see you there. Thanks for your help. Bye.

He calls Bee as he takes his wallet out and buys the stuff and a pack of cigarettes. “Would you mind telling Abby to come by the Tower in two hours?” A pause. “Thanks, Bee.”

He makes his way back to Neil. He passes a water bottle to Neil, but Neil doesn’t have the energy to open it, so Andrew opens the other one and passes it to Neil, and takes the one Neil has back.

He reaches over again when Neil starts to gulp down the water. He pulls the bottle away from Neil’s mouth, and glares at him when Neil looks at him questioningly. “Sip.”

Neil huffs and continues drinking at a more reasonable rate.

They don’t go to the house, but they don’t start towards Palmetto either. Andrew drives around for a while, Neil still drinking and quietly munching on the trail mix.

It’s been a half hour of this before Andrew’s “I don’t” and Neil’s “I’m sorry” break the silence at the same time.

Andrew waits, “I’m - I didn’t mean to say what I did.”

_ “I’ll never be like you!” _

Andrew waits, “I know - I know that’s not good enough, but I swear…I’m, I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

_ “Stop it!” _

Andrew waits, “I’m sorry, and I didn’t mean it. I don’t think of you like that.”

_ “Stop looking at me like I don’t matter. Like I could die and you wouldn’t blink.” _

“I’m sorry, I - “  _ love you. _

“I don’t.” -  _ look at you like that. _

_ \--- _

Abby’s waiting for them at the parking lot as they pull in. Neil rolls his eyes in protest but doesn’t say anything as she looks him over. She tells him to get some salt in his system and let’s them go.

They make their way up to their room. Neil puts his phone on the charger as soon as he can. As soon as it powers up, he gets a flood of notifications from Nicky and then a missed call and a “ _ i hate you _ ” text from Andrew.

Andrew’s in the room and as Neil comes in he tells him to text Matt.

“Why?”

“He and Coach came to look for you.”

_ Shit _ …Neil swallows. He text’s a “ _ Hey, I’m fine _ .” to Matt, and debates calling Wymack before just making his way to his apartment.

\---

Neil knocks on Wymack’s door and he opens it soon after. Wymack regards Neil a second before moving to the side to let him in.

They move to the living room, where Wymack sinks into an armchair with a sigh. Neil stands for a beat before sitting n the couch where he’d slept all that time ago.

They sit in silence for a bit, Wymack not pushing Neil to say anything, and Neil comfortable enough in Wymack’s presence for the silence not to feel awkward. Neil looks up at Wymack and notices the worry lines at the corners of his mouth and eyes. He doesn’t know what it is, but something about the concern shining through without words had Neil opening his mouth before his mind could catch up.

“I’m sorry I’m such a shitty captain.” Wymack is taken aback by the words to say anything before Neil continues. “I know you expect better. I swear I’m trying but I just, It’s so hard, and I’m not complaining. Thank you for this opportunity and I’m so grateful, but Kevin doesn’t think we’ll ever make Championships and Jack hates my guts and Andrew -“

Neil’s voice wavers, his words faltering. Wymack gets up and sits down next to Neil, he places a hand a bit awkwardly on his shoulder, waiting for Neil to look at him.

“Neil.” Wymack starts “I wouldn’t have made you captain if I didn’t think you could do it. You can. You will.”  _ You can. You will. _ The same sentiment Wymack would give the team before difficult games. Neil let out a breath.

“Kev-“

“Screw what Kevin says, you are his captain, act like it.”

“Jack -“

“Neil.”

“Andrew…”

“Neil, I never said Andrew would be easy to captain -”

“No - It’s not…I - ”

Wymack raised a brow, waiting for Neil to continue.

“I don’t - I mean, I’m not, I…”

Wymack didn’t say anything as Neil faltered and then fell silent. And then sighing, squeezing Neil’s shoulder, “I’m, uh - I’m proud of you, kid. Everything you’ve accomplished and everything you’ve overcome. I’m proud of who you’ve become, Neil.” 

And even though it was no where near what Neil was expecting, they were all the right words, the words he needed to hear. It’s not much, but it’s all Wymack’s got, but it’s more than enough for Neil.

\---

Neil comes home to Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron in their room, Nicky haven driven them home in Kevin’s car. Nicky tackles him in a hug and then a smack on his shoulder for the stunt he pulled. Neil takes it without a word, searching for Andrew.

Neil heads up the stairs to the roof, he can smell the cigarette smoke before he even opens the door. Andrew is sitting with his back against the edge, a lit cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth while lighting another. He passes this one to Neil, who comes to a stop standing before Andrew. He takes the cigarette and takes a single drag before letting the rest burn.

Andrew wants to talk to Neil. He wants to tell Neil that he does care for him, and that he doesn’t look at him like he means nothing to him. He wants to tell Neil that there’s no doubt in his mind about what he has with Neil. He wants to explain how he’s feeling.

Neil wants to talk to Andrew. He wants to tell Andrew that he loves him. He wants to ask what he really means to him. If Andrew sees them the way Neil sees them. Neil wants Andrew to talk to him.

It’s Andrew that opens his mouth first, sitting in front of a standing Neil, he says, “I didn’t know what I - I wasn’t sure, because I’d never experienced it.”

Neil’s lips part in confusion, his brow raising a infinitesimally. He doesn’t say anything, waiting for Andrew to continue.

“I’ve never known affection, I’ve never had a steady, a relationship where, I mean - ” Andrew broke off, his mind working faster than his words. “I didn’t recognize it because I’ve never felt it, so I had no idea how to react to something so foreign, unfamiliar.”

Still Neil said nothing.

“So I responded in the only way I was sure of. Hate. Hate was familiar territory, I understood hate. This - You were new and unfamiliar and I didn’t like it. But I, I’ve figured it out, I guess.”

Neil’s breath was coming in shallow.

“I hated you on principle because I had no idea how else to respond…so -“ Andrew broke off once again, looking up at Neil.

Neil went to speak but the lump in his throat prevented him. He swallowed hard. All this time he’d been stressing on how to tell Andrew how he felt, and on top of all the stress of captaining and everything going wrong. And here Andrew was, telling Neil everything he never knew he needed to hear.

“You - You -” He stuttered

“I’m not saying it, fucker.”

That was all that it took for the relief to flood through Neil, he let out a breathless giggle, giddy with the realization that this, this was real. What he and Andrew had wasn’t going anywhere, and both of them knew that. Even if they didn’t say the words.

“Me either, asshole.”


End file.
